What a fucking waste of an outfit
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
