He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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