I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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