So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
