when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
