Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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