I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
