Who wears a wallet chain?!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
