Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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