Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
