did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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