matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
