Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
