what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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