P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why do cheetos always look like penises
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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