I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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