I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
