I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
