So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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