And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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