I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize