I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
