they need to just BURY HIM!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
