and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My feet surprised me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
