I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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