Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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