he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
