So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
