Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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