I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
