tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize