My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
