But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
