One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
