omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
