chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize