Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
