Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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