if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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