with your own penis?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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