Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
