btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
