Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
only you would photoshop your dick
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
