Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
