I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
