I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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