I will die if light touches me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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