i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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