You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
