I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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