I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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