I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
