Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
