We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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