Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
