Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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