I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
