It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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