I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
