i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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