A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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