why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
