dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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