I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
