No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
