dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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