I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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