People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
