fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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