Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
