Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
