...so i touched it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
