I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just pee around me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize