i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
