i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
Getting a smaller wine glass hasnāt changed the amount I drinkāit just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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