...so i touched it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
