Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
