Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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