I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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