whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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