WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize