I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
farters have to be the big spoon...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
