Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
