We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
In America we eat man semen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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