I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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