if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
