it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize