Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
