I wish my penis had an off switch
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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