On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
