Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
