Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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