I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
