Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
