You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
